Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
