alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
