Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
