people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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