Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
