I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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