I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
