So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
