Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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