I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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