you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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