i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize