I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
