so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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