Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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