i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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