I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
