when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
