She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
babies were throwing up all over the place
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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