1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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