I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
