So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
