I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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