from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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