I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
