In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize