I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My vagina just clenched in fear
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
