I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
