I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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