your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
whose ass print is on the piano?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
