I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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