12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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