i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
