I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
