he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just tell him i said nine months
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
