whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
