I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize