My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
