I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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