We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
