non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
