What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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