just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
