thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize