You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
