Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The power of my boobs compel you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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