I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
