We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
