I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
