capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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