Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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