I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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