Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
