do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He kissed a someone with a penis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
