theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
