Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
