I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
