Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
