So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
