i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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