I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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