So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you had me at cake vodka
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
