Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
not ubering you a puppy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
