I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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