I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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