I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
