Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
