I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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