I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
