Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
