i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
