Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
