It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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