He uses pillows to masturbate.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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