You're earring is so big in my mouth
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
