Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
