She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
