Whod you bang
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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