Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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