that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
