i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
