found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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